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Bitches
by: Rena Prizant

The stage should be set up like an apartment. On one side should be a couch with a coffee table next to it; and on the other side, a bed with a window, making the apartment seem to be more then one story off the ground. The coffee table must have a box or jar of spilled catnip on top.

C- is a easygoing, sexy character. Dressed in black, maybe a white scarf. imagery: elegance, feline, elasticity.

B- is a very flamboyant character. Lots of life, very dramatic. Imagery: vivacious, flighty, spirited.

The thing to remember about these characters is that though they are house pets, the audience MUST NOT know that until the very end. Upon opening, C is sitting on one end of the couch, with back to coffee table and the bed, rolling a cigarette. B is sitting on opposite end of couch facing bed.

C: It was just one kiss.

B: Just one kiss, every time.

C: Oh honey, the kiss is not what's important here. You just can't seem to except that I just have it.

B: Have what?

C: That ever-gravitating presence, that just lures him in. (B gives C a nasty look, C rolls eyes.) (C lights rolled cigarette, first drag must be slow, with a smile, and full of enjoyment) (Pause)

B: What's that on your neck?

C: What's on my neck?

B: The NECKLACE on your neck!!!

C: Oh, just something He picked up for me the other day.

B: Is it real?

C: Well, if you had to ask then it obviously looks that way, and that all that matters isn't it.

B: You know, I've lived in this house just as long as you have, if not longer, I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm mean look at you, all you do all day is strut around this apartment until He gets home, and then you spend the rest of the evening wrapped around his legs. I just don't see how you always manage to land on your feet!

C: (Pause for thought) Well, maybe if you stepped away from that mirror once in a while...

B: (Pissed off) I don't need to take that from you. (Pause) That's it, I'm leaving. For good this time.

C: (with a sigh) Oh god.

B: (getting up to leave) No, no really. Don't try and stop me...

C: I won't

B: No, don't even try...

C: How about I sit right here?

B: Oh, look at me, I'm molting!

C: Molting!?! What the hell is molting?

B: (standing in doorway) Uhhh!!! (dashes to window)

C: (under breath) Here we go. (sits back takes drag of cigarette, pause, deep sigh, gets up, turns around and walks to window, without looking at B. Walks over to bed, and sits down.) (B sitting on windowsill, sobbing) You still here? (sobbing continues) You Do-Do.

B: Don't call me that. Don't you dare call me that.

C: (snickering) Do-Do

B: I could do it you know!

C: No, you couldn't.

B: (ignoring C) Put an end to it all. You think I can't see the two of you? Always petting each other like...animals. Him carrying you around the house...in his arms. I mean, do you have to watch T.V. on his lap every night? (sobbing begins again) You think it's easy. To live here with the two of you, well its not. I'm locked up in my room all day, while you just strut around the house. God, how disgusting. (pause) Well, goodbye. (turning out windowsill to jump)

C: No, no stop, please.

B: Wait a minute. What is with the trying to get rid of me?

C: (questioning absurdity of comment) Wha...?

B: (cutting C off) No, no you want me to jump, don't you? Get rid of little old me, no one to stand in your way. Leaves him wide open, doesn't it? You know, don't act like your shit don't stink, cause honey, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

C: What? (pause) You know, that's exactly what I want. I want you to jump out of this window, so I can have him all to myself.

B: Well I'm not gonna do it...

C: Shock me, shock me

B: Why should I just leave and not even try to fight for the man I love. The man who took me in in my time of need. The man who gave me the opportunity to spread my wings, when no other man would. Well, sister, I'm staying!

C: Great. Are we done?

B: Sometimes you can be so cruel. (begins sobbing loudly) (pause, only loud sobbing heard)

C: Oh honey, I'm sorry, I just hate to see you fluttering around every man. It just seems like every time something with balls comes into your life, you get all distracted. You know how you get.

B: I know, but there's just something about him... he's just so...

C: Hetero?

B: What the hell kind of remark is that? Are you trying to pick a fight?

C: I'm just teasing. (pause) You know there's nothing really going on between us don't you?

B: I know, you just make it really hard to live with you sometimes.

C: Well, you're no fancy feast either.

B: (getting angry again) Well, at least I can kiss a man on the lips.

C: Oh really, is that what you call the pecking that you do?

B: Pecking? Let me tell you something...(Sound of keys opening door, door opens) Oh shit, He's here!

C: Quick, get back in your cage

B: Oh god, I'm gonna be in so much trouble

C: No you're not, just hurry!

Man: (From the door) Ruby, here Ruby, I brought you some tuna. Come here girl. (C runs over to Man and rubs around his feet, purring)

 
 
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